Bryan Charnley's 17 Self Portraits

Bryan Charnley's 17 Self Portrait Series

TW: Suicide

 Bryan Charnley was a British artist who suffered from paranoid Schizophrenia who created surrealist artworks up until his eventual suicide. The most notable of his works that are more often spoken about are his 17 final self portraits, meant to accompany diary entries that would explain the imagery. A video about it can be found here in The Disturbing Final Self Portraits of Bryan Charnley

His very first painting was a simple self portrait, nothing too notable. It would be the beginning of an eventual decline in his mental health. 

Portrait 1

Self Portrait Series 19th July 1991

"Conventional portrait painted in two sittings. Is it a good likeness? Drug dosage was two 3 mg. tablets of Depixol daily plus two 25 mg. Tryptisol. I was sleeping a lot. 11th to 16th April 1991."

For this painting, there isn't too much to note. It was just a simple self portrait and a note of how much medication he had been taking at the time, along with the note that he had been sleeping a lot.

Portrait 2

Self Portrait Series 20th April 1991

"Cut back to one 3 mg. tablet of Depixol with Tremazepam tablets to get some sleep. Very paranoid. The person upstairs was reading my mind and speaking back to me to keep me in a sort of ego crucifixion. I felt this was because I was discharging very strong vibrations which could easily be interpreted. I tried to express this in the painting. The large rabbit ear is because I was confused and extremely sensitive to human voices, like a wild animal. I also felt I was being read generally by E.S.P. I had cut back to one tablet of Depixol on 17th April 1991 and was now just beginning to feel the dramatic effects of such a sudden withdrawal."

This painting starts to dive into the more surrealistic vibe. He had cut down a little on his medication to get some sleep, and his paranoia started to get worse. He cut back more on his medications, and he started to feel the effects of withdrawal.

Portrait 3

Self Portrait Series 23rd April 1991

 "I had originally had the idea for a series of self portraits from Louis Wain’s series of portraits of cats that changed strangely as he became more and more psychotic. They seemed to show a disintegrating ego. I expected something similar, that is the reliance on a sort of hallucinatory geometry but instead found that I was almost completely unable to concentrate so the painting takes on the crudeness of bad graffiti. I ascribe this to the fact that Depixol strengthens concentration and so its removal means that the power of concentration breaks down. However I would mention that this, as in Louis Wain’s case was not my problem when I originally became ill but seems to have resulted from Depixol dependency. Still on one tablet of Depixol plus sleeping pills. I had come to the conclusion that most people around me had some extra sensory perception ability which gave them access to my mind. In this respect I was like blind man. Hence the crosses on the eyes. They also let me know verbally what they had picked up from my thoughts. I was like a dumb man in this respect and hence the cross over the mouth. The crossed out dates are because I was becoming obsessed that I had taken two sittings rather than one on the first self portrait."

This particular portrait has fallen even more into the realm of surrealism. He seems to rely more heavily on the use of symbolism in this work. In the diary entry, he states that he wanted to do something similar to Louis Wain's cat paintings, and how they started to drastically change into something more surreal the deeper he fell into his own schizophrenia. However, it seemed that Bryan Charnley's artwork has taken a slightly different turn the deeper he fell into his own disintegrating mental state. The shapes have gotten much more simple and geometric. 

Portrait 4

Self Portrait Series 24th April 1991.

"Why miss a golden opportunity to describe through paint total mental disintegration. Painted the day after the last portrait, the horns of E.S.P. are supposed to function as mouths. Total lack of concentration meant a graffiti effect again. The spots on the brain of the head are real blood to try and get over the mental pain I was experiencing. I was smoking heavily, hence the pipe. No eyes to see what is really going on and a stitched up mouth. The blood is my own. I stabbed the base of my thumb. Not the kind of thing you are able to do on the tranquillisers. Still on only one tablet of Depixol and sleeping pill (tremazepam) but know I cannot go on much longer."

For his fourth self portrait, the features are becoming more and more incomprehensible. He had even used his real blood in order to "get over the mental pain" he was experiencing. Charnley states that he knows he cannot go on much longer. His mental state was only worsening.

Portrait 5

Self Portrait Series 29th April 1991

"Things had really being getting out of hand. A strange spiritual force was making me feel I should not smoke or I would incur a disaster. This was driving me crazy as I am normally a heavy smoker. I walked and walked, throwing my pouch of tobacco away. I had taken 15 tables of Depixol on 24th April to try and throw off the spiritual demands which were driving me crazy along with the E.S.P.but to no avail. I kept taking high dosages the next few days but nothing was having any effect and I felt I might have to got to hospital. When I arrived home from one of my long walks my twin phoned. I told him how I felt and he said some words of truth that completely cut through the situation to the bone and rendered the spiritual forces thankfully impotent. I wrote, to complement “Love hurts” of 23.4.91, “Love is Strange” because this was the first real help I had been given in my illness. Everybody else seemed to try and make me feel worse. It is also reference to the statement by Christ that love is the truth. I wanted really to say that truth is power, is beauty, is love but left it as it is because I think the song of the same name is so great any way. The doctors just prescribe more and more drugs when the patients comes up with something he can’t handle. What I think is interesting is that the drugs, no matter how high the dosage had no effect. What made the change was rational insight, the truth. The beauty of truth. The doctors of course will mutter the drugs just began to take effect but I do not believe this for an instant. I believe instead that the answer to my condition is rational insight but the doctors seem unwilling, or unable to help me here. Certainly many different schizophrenias exist and some cannot be attacked by rational insight for reason has broken down but why should everybody be lumped in the same druggy boat? I am overwhelmed by things I cannot understand. Understanding what was going on, the truth of the-"

At this point, there is no longer a face shown. Charnley's features are floating about in the image, along with a cigarette with a cross over it. The paranoia was getting worse, believing that if he continued smoking something bad would happen. One thing he notes in his diary entry is that he claims when the doctors are faced with something they cannot handle, they will simply prescribe more drugs. According to Charnley, no matter how high the dosage, the drugs never seemed to have any effect. Charnley believes that the doctors are either unwilling or unable to help him with his schizophrenia, and he is overwhelmed by things he can't understand. The diary entry seems to be cut off.

Portrait 6

Self Portrait Series 2nd May 1991

"After the mental release the chemistry of drugs really began to take effect and though I had now cut back to my dose when I started, 6 mg. Depixol, 60 mg. Tryptisol, I was almost completely without energy. This explains the simile technique. I hadn’t the energy for anything else. This is expressed by the pupa. The torpid state in insects. The spirit, expressed by a bird is crushed by the maggot. My Oedipus complex is represented by the hooded phallus. My conflict of thought expressed by the man with two heads, one is a nose. The clothes line is to say that all my dirty washing, or thoughts are on display. The split crosses are a reference to schizophrenia being a type of ego crucifixion. The man with the hat is watching me and keeping everything under his hat. Additionally the split in the cross expresses lack of real direction, of a split in the will, as with the man with a nose head."

This particular painting doesn't quite feel like a self portrait, but it is symbolic of his internal thoughts and feelings. As noted in the diary entry, each thing on the page represents something, and the split crosses are what he used to reference his schizophrenia being an "ego crucifixion".

Portrait 7

Self Portrait Series 6th May 1991

"I feel like a target for peoples cruel remarks. Especially negroes. What is going on? I had sweet talked a girl to suicide because I had no tongue, no real tongue, and could only flatter. This is very much involved with why I am ill. The nail in the mouth expresses this. The people around me cannot understand how I was so stupid and cannot forgive me. I can only say that I cannot socialize at all because of my weakness verbally and this is been, produced a tragedy. Thus I am a target. The nails in my eyes express that I cannot see whereas other people seem to have extra sensory perception and I am blind in this respect. Love hurts. I keep well way now from women on the advice of my psychiatrist. On two Depixol tablets plus two tablets of anti-depressants, Tryptisol."

In this self portrait, his features appear to be more normal and noticeable again. There is a large target on his head, a representation of him being a target for peoples crude remarks regarding him. Here, he feels blind, and that other people seem to be able to see more than he can. He uses nails as a symbol of his blindness to others perception and his verbal weakness.

Portrait 8

Self Portrait Series 14th May 1991

"The ego splitting like a cancer cell as it comes under attack, a gory mess. The Roman soldiers leg expresses my fear of the Mafia who maintain their tyranny by attaching great importance to the sanctity of a woman’s good heath and good name and thus get a foot in the door for murder and organised crime. I also feel Rome was the real decider and actually crucified the Christ. My ego is being crucified. My feelings, my Oedipus complex is summed up by the leg of an Italian. Italians are very up tight about their daughters and I injured one through my ignorance of social mores. The girl, who broke her back in a suicide attempt, was not Italian but if she had been I expect I would have been brutally and effectively dealt with Thus the Roman leg generates anxiety. I am on the wrong side anyway and cannot hope for anything but total defeat as the sacred cow must never die. I am a target with no hope of victory only total humiliation. I completely acquiesce to this but am still deeply hurt all the time"

For this portrait, he reflects back on his relationship with Pam Jones, a girl who suffered mental illness herself and tried to commit suicide by jumping out of a window. Though she survived, she suffered severe injuries. For this painting, he uses more symbolism and abstraction to portray his thoughts. Charnley seems to believe he is to blame for Pam Jones attempting suicide. There are a couple of paintings portraying this traumatic experience in his life, not part of his self portrait series. 

Portrait 9

Self Portrait Series 18th May l991

"From 10th May I had cut down to one anti-depressant (tryptisol) and so was not sleeping so much. My mind seemed to be thought broadcasting very severely and it was beyond my will to do anything about it. I summed this up by painting my brain as an enormous mouth, acting independently of me. The trouble seemed to me rightly or wrongly, to stem from a broken heart on my left so I painted a great mass of gore there to express this. The foot that connects to this is pushing the mouth open for the thoughts to be broadcasted. I feel I am always divided against my self by myself. Again the nail in the mouth expresses my social ineptitude and an in ability to socialise which makes me a target. Still I feel I am giving off strong personality vibrations, hence the wavy lines emanating from my head."

This painting is a little more gory than the previous ones. The gore represents his broken heart, and the giant mouth on his head is a representation on how he feels like his thoughts are being broadcasted for others to hear. He felt as though it was out of his control. The nail symbolism reappears in this piece, representing his inability to socialize with others, still making him a target for their crude comments and remarks.

Portrait 10

Self Portrait Series 23rd May 1991

"I really tire of having to explain my paintings. It is very much my tragedy that people cannot understand the straight forward poetic use of symbols I am employing. The blue of the portrait is there because I felt depressed through cutting back on the anti-depressants. The wavy lines are because just as I felt I was safe a voice from the street gutted me emotionally by its E.S.P. of my condition. (I was feeling proud of the painting and he showed he knew this convincingly enough to convince me I must be giving off very strong thought messages or vibrations of some readable kind). I was pleased that I was able to express such a purely mental concept as thought broadcasting by the simple device of turning the brain into a mouth that I painted it again. One is very much up against the almost impossible task of describing in paint that which essentially totally invisible. Symbols come to be employed and the appropriate one must be found, also it should have a poetic charge attached to it. Yet still people are too ignorant to see. At this stage my central worry was thought broadcasting. This would pass as I gained insight and effects of drug withdrawal wore off. I was much worried about radio and television because I seemed to intertwine with their broadcasted waves and expose myself completely which I found humiliating. People laughed at me when this happened or let me know it was for real by acute remarks. I continued my retreat from social contact."

The broadcasting mouth makes its second appearance in this self portrait. Charnley states that he feels like he shouldn't have to write these diary entries to explain his paintings, that the symbolism should be obvious enough for others to understand. He uses the color blue as a representation of his depression as a result of cutting back on his medication for it. In the diary entry, Charnley explains that he felt broadcasted for all to see, retreating from social contact due to humiliation from being so out in the open. He feels as though people are too ignorant to see the poetic vibes from the symbols he employs in his artwork. 

Portrait 11

Self Portrait Series 24th May 1991

"Perhaps a broken heart is the cause of it all. Certainly it hurts. This is expressed best as I can on the left side. The spiders legs on the right are to express my inhibitions and the feeling that comes over me as my thoughts surface and broadcast. Scary. I feel all the time now that I am getting nearer to a more acute expression of my schizophrenia. From 19th May 1991 I had cut down to 1 1/2 tabs of Depixol plus one tab 25 mg. of Tryptisol."

This entry is fairly shorter than the others. The painting shows the first symbol he uses of spider legs, which are present in later self portraits, expressing the scary feeling he gets as his thoughts are broadcasted. He speculates if his broken heart is the cause of his mental torment. Charnley also believes that he is getting closer to a more accurate representation of his schizophrenia. 

Portrait 12

Self Portrait Series 8th June 1991

"The spiders legs seem to be my central condition. I attempted to suggest that they radiated out and became less potent as they departed from my brain. I found that this idea that they sort of dissipated as they removed from the core comforting. The flaming darts of E.S.P. made vocal and right a the point of the birth of the thought too in this case. The white parts represent my thoughts. The triangles meet to produce the discharge of a rational thought that feels like truth and a flaming dart from someone pierces it at inception. The spiders legs represent inhibition, social and otherwise. Is this is truth of my condition? I was to find out otherwise but it was certainly part of the truth."

Charnley believes that the spider legs are the central part of his condition. He believes he is getting closer to "the truth" with his self portraits, finding a more acute understanding about how the inner working of his mind works. 

Portrait 13

Self Portrait Series 13th June 1991

"People crane their necks to try and appreciate technique, raving about Picasso’s which is poetic discharge via symbols. They swallow a camel to strain a gnat and say I cannot paint, that my technique is at the service of my imagination. Perhaps it should be the other way round but then I find Picasso peculiarly bland stripped of his technique. Well the later paintings anyway. There is nothing wrong with my technique except when I have to try too hard because of the demands of the imagery. People keep me in misery because they keep coming up to me with some gossip about my past and I know nothing of theirs. The eggs have been emptied like a head stripped of its contents. It has nothing left in it, no more secrets, they went to satisfy somebody’s appetite, some body that has power over me. They enjoyed every tasty mouthful. Two eggs? It was the same yesterday. Needless to say I feel suicidal so I painted in Van Gogh’s crows from his final, suicide picture of the wheat field. E.S.P. horns, voices as mouths grinning. Birds come from eggs so the crows can also be like my thoughts flying away. All this sort of gossip increases my fears of telepathy and is the main reason I feel suicidal. Still on 1 1/2 tabs Depixol (3 mg.each). On 24th May cut out anti-depressant, Tryptisol, completely."

In this self portrait he expresses his frustration with people criticizing his works and praising artists such as Picasso who uses symbols as well as he does. Charnley believes that there is nothing wrong with his technique except for when he tries too hard. Others seem to know more about his life and he knows nothing of theirs. He feels like a cracked egg stripped of its contents, his entire life out there for everyone else to feed off of. He no longer feels that he has secrets. Charnley states that he was feeling suicidal, so he painted crows that were seen in Van Gogh's final suicide picture. He also feels that the crows can represent his thoughts flying away from him. Charnley notes that he still feels suicidal, and that his anti-depressant has been cut out of his medications completely. 

Portrait 14

Self Portrait Series 19th June 1991

"Do they just want to party? An intrusion into my mental interior life, like everybody has a foot in the door. Nailed mouth and tongue tied I have no effective reply to them."

In this painting, he continues to portray how he feels that everyone has a look into his life, and he has no reply to them. He has no privacy anymore. The spider legs make a reappearance in the bottom left corner.

Portrait 15

Self Portrait Series 27th June 1991

"An extremely complicated picture as I feel I am closing in on the essential image of my schizophrenia. I am transparent firstly. Make crazy attempts at some sort of control over what has become an impossible situation (the man with the control stick). My brain, my ego is transfixed by nails as the Christ who could not move freely on the cross without severe pain. My self respect my ego my feelings about me are crucified as the Christ. From here on in enlightenment about my condition creeps in and imagery become even more difficult to find. I realised that the fear caused by the anger (symbolised by the red tied beast, muzzled because the anger arises through not being able to reply to the abuse heaped on me) this fear is causing me to hallucinate telepathy and E.S.P. which is not there. Or not there when I am no longer in fear. I express this as best I can through the mouths on the end of the enormous bent up eyebrows. My senses are being bent by fear into hallucinations. Like eyelashes it is something about the bending taking place at the periphery of my sight. That is why I had been feeling blind all the time. Anger, “He’s mad at you, he’s mad”, is cause of fear, the anger being in a latent, unconscious state, but giving rise to paranoia which in turn gives rise to characteristic schizophrenic hallucinations and symptoms. But I am still at an acute disadvantage socially. Can this ever change or will the anger always remain? I intend to record my progress with more self portraits to add up when they are all joined together as an important document as to life, at the end of the twentieth century. “Self Portrait” will state with depth what it is to be human and schizophrenic.

One 1 1/4 tabs Depixol (3 mg. each) from 22nd June 1991"

Getting close to his last portrait, he feels like he is getting closer to the perfect representation of his paranoid schizophrenia. This image is considerably more complex than others, and it is better understood through his diary entry. Charnley believes that he cannot respond to the abuse inflicted on him. His fears are being turned into hallucinations. His paranoia has only been getting worse. Charnley states that he intends to create more self portraits to record his progress, and once they're all joined together, it will be an important documentation on his life and what it is like to be a human with schizophrenia. 

Portrait 16

Self Portrait Series 12th July 1991

There is no diary entry for this painting. The internal text reads "The cards are no good that I’m holding unless they are from another world", which is a line from Series of Dreams by Bob Dylan. The bottom right looks to be medication, possibly showing how it has slowly been snipped out of his life. A nail is striking through the word "past", and many of the words surrounding the song lyrics and the word "hope" say either "enemy" or "rival". It is up to interpretation what this portrait means, but it is the second to last one he would ever make.

Portrait 17

Self Portrait Series 19th July 1991

This is the final portrait in the Self Portrait Series by Bryan Charnley before he committed suicide. Some say it's unfinished, others say otherwise considering the date was signed at the bottom of it. It is believed that the reds and yellows are a representation of severe mental anguish. It isn't said how exactly committed suicide, just that he did after this portrait. 

This series of final self portraits gives us a more in depth look into the mind of someone suffering with severe paranoid schizophrenia. The human mind is something I often enjoy learning about, and seeing it displayed like this both makes me feel bad that Charnley's life and mind was on display for all to see, but also fascinated with the way his paintings and symbolism changed as he got closer to his eventual suicide. It is unfortunate that he passed, but he has provided us with a more in depth look into his mind, much like Louis Wain did with his paintings of cats.